Before It Ends.
                                       CHAPTER TWO: I Must Meditate.


It had been some days since the most painful day recorded in the young avatar’s mind; all the things running through his mind were unbearably horrible, nothing could wash them away… Not even meditating like crazy all day long. As much as he hated it he couldn’t forget that one scarring moment at the beach; one of the places he felt awe for was now keeper of one of his worst memories. After various days of analyzing his mind Aang got to a fundamental conclusion; if he wanted to defeat the firelord once and for all, he had to resume his chakra unlocking meditation in order to recover the avatar state, even if it wasn’t likely to work, he had to give it a try for the sake of everyone in the world, everyone he cared for, for Katara. It would hurt, it would hurt more than anything he had experienced before; not even the great loss of his people could be compared to how empty he would feel once he had master the avatar state, but what was the use of it, if he already had been emptied inside. All the love he was supposed to give away, was now gone anyways; he had nothing to lose but himself.

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She wanted to die, she wanted to die right then and there; Katara felt the most horrible and cruel person standing on earth in that moment, Aang had finally confessed his love for her, and she felt awful for she permitted silence to murder Aang’s hope. She was confused and overwhelmed, but mostly sad and there was nothing she could possibly do about it, or maybe there still was a way; Katara at least could try talking to Aang, even though he probably wouldn’t even want to see a picture of her ever again. She had to apologize to him, she knew Aang and she would never be friends again, things had changed drastically for both of them permanently, or so that was how it seemed.

Katara decided to look for Aang, but as persistent here attempts were, the air nomad didn’t show up anywhere, she started fearing the worst; what if Aang had run away to never come back? What if he doesn’t show up for war? What if she never sees him again? These and more questions laid on Katara’s head whirling and twisting all over her head; her well learned methodology on waterbending was useless in her own head. Fortunately she found a familiar face around the edges of the beach, it was the least person she would rely on but still he could be of some help at least.

“What are you doing here?” Katara spitted at Zuko,

“I’m taking a walk?” he said slowly, Katara just stared at him scornfully “Don’t give me that look!” Zuko said unable to bear the silence Katara burdened on her lips ever since she talked with Aang,

“It’s not that I did anything wrong, did I?” he continued, Katara jumped out of her trance as she shook her head rapidly from side to side.

“What I-…” she must have had to be obvious enough to make even Zuko notice something was up with her.

“What’s the matter?” Zuko said as he realized Katara wasn’t   there for a rematch from one of their everlasting arguments.

“Nothing of your concern, Zuko” she said while her feet carried her body away from the firebender.

“Well, it must be something if you’re running away from me for the very first time.” he said simply trying to occult a mock that longed to come out.

“Are you trying to make fun of me, Zuko?” Katara yelled at him as she turned back to face him, losing her short patience as well, “Because to tell you the truth, it is NOT amusing me!” she burst into that characteristic temper of hers.

“Okay, okay, I’m sorry; I didn’t mean to make fun of you.” Zuko said acknowledging mocking Katara while he was alone and defenseless wasn’t the brightest idea. Katara drew her right hand to her forehead and sighted helplessly.

“Have you seen Aang?” she finally said giving up to Zuko,

“No,” he replied, Katara lowered her head in defeat, “Is something wrong?” Zuko said hesitating in his attempt to determine whether trying to help Katara was a good deed or not.

“Is nothing you care about, Zuko” she said sharply, “I don’t know you well but I think I do know you well enough to see that you’re better than this, Katara.” He continued despising the unwelcoming attitude of the waterbender.

“Zuko, really, I don’t want to talk about it, and even if I did, the least person I would consider to share this with would be you!” Katara said meeting her breaking point. Zuko had it, ever since he joined the “Gaang”, as everybody called it, he had done nothing but helping others and proving himself as a good and trustworthy person, everyone had accepted him, the only one who hadn’t was that girl with the blue arrogant eyes. And as hard as he tried to find out why in the name of the spirits wouldn’t she trust him, he couldn’t; it was beyond his reach and understanding. One thing was for sure, if anyone’s temper could have a chance to be compared to Katara’s that would be Zuko’s.

“Katara, I’ve had it with you!” he said taking his politeness off. “Ever since I’ve came here you have done nothing but mock me, taunt me, make me look as the stupid one in the group, among other things that I can’t remember, and I’ve had it!” Zuko yelled at her. If glances could kill, Zuko would be dead by now because Katara certainly used her bright blue orbs as lethal weapons against him.  “Why won’t you trust me?” he said,

“Because I can’t!” she said simply. “Why?” Zuko insisted, “WHY? YOU WANT TO KNOW WHY?!” she screamed, “BECAUSE, Zuko, if you hadn’t betrayed us that night at Ba Sing Se we would have probable won, if you hadn’t betrayed us; Ba Sing Se wouldn’t have fallen and we would probably had ended up the war by now, if you hadn’t betrayed us Aang wouldn’t have died!” she cried.

‘Way to go, Zuko, smooth as a badgermole, you made KATARA cry. Oh boy, if Aang finds out, I’m gonna be dead meat.’ He thought. Zuko was good at lots of things, but comforting was definitely not on the list. ‘Wait! What was that all “Aang dying thing” about, he can’t be dead, I’ve seen him… Katara’s going nuts.’ “But Aang isn’t dead…”He dared to throw that comment in. Katara raised her eyebrows in ironical sarcasm.

“Well, Zuko, if I had tried to heal that scar of yours, Aang would have certainly died that night!” Katara said trying to hold in the tears the moment brought back, “I don’t get it.” Zuko stated stupidly. “Zuko, I thought you had changed that night! I trusted you, but when you sided with Azula everything went out of balance, add there the dai lee your demoniac sister adopted as pets! Aang and I didn’t stand a chance against you guys, and when he tried to go into the Avatar State to save us, your sister shot him! If I wouldn’t have had that water with me in that moment, Aang wouldn’t be with us right now.” She finalized, Zuko now remembered. The magic water she had told him about that day in the catacombs, that very liquid which was the responsible for so many sleeps stolen away from his pacific nights at the palace. He realized the great damage he had done to them, but specifically to Katara. He was speechless, that was the reason then, Katara wouldn’t trust him because she wouldn’t permit him trying to take Aang away from him again, she might have been trying to prevent herself from tripping with the same rock.

“I’m sorry…” That’s all Zuko could manage to manage out of his mouth, Katara stared at him perplexed, “I didn’t know…” Zuko murmured, “I don’t know what to say… Well, if I was you I wouldn’t trust myself… I mean not you but me… but well me Zuko not me you… but ugh… okay is it enough?” he said nervously. Katara laughed a little at Zuko’s dullness, which pleased him. Katara stared at the young prince and realizing for the first time he was telling the truth, he really had changed. Suddenly she felt the craziest impulse, but then again this was a most crazy situation, so what better than going with the flow, right? She threw herself into Zuko’s arms to hug him, not meaning any potential romanticism implied, but as a way to apologize to each other, an apologize that had longed quite a time to go out from both of them. They were now friends, and for Katara, a friend could become handy in these moments surely; the only friend she confided her secrets to was Aang, but now they weren’t talking at each other, she needed someone to talk to, and Zuko was just the guy to listen to her. The talked for a few more moments, as Zuko heard all of the things Katara had to let out, but then the girl realized the reason she had been talking to him in first instance; it was Aang.

“Zuko, I hate to interrupt, but have you seen Aang? I really, really need to talk with him, it’s urgent.” ,

“I already told you, I haven’t seen him…But, oh, yeah, I remember he told me he couldn’t practice firebending today because he had some meditation avatar thingy to do.” He said clueless to Katara’s motives.

“Thank you,” she said standing up as the answer just had recently hit her in the head. Meditating, how could have she forgot of something so Aang-like. She stood up from where Zuko and her where and went back to the house to look for Aang.  

Just as the firebender had predicted it, Aang was meditating, all by himself sitting leg-crossed in front of a trace full with lit candle lights facing the outside of the terrace. Katara stood for a while on the entrance, unsure to go in; eventually she gained enough courage realizing her cowardice was the very reason of all this trouble.

“Aang, can I come in?” she said softly, but he wouldn’t reply.

“Aang?” she repeated smoothly and then sighted at her friend’s quietness. “I know I shouldn’t be disturbing you, but I really need to talk to you.” Aang again, didn’t respond. Katara felt her face go hot and ready to welcome tears’ visit, visits which were become more frequent with time. She stepped into the terrace and went straight to take place in front of the candle lights, the opposite side in order to face Aang.

“Aang, listen; I know that what I did back at the beach wasn’t good, it came all wrong. I’m sorry.” She spilled the words out rapidly without daring to listen to the outcome. Aang, on the other hand tried so hard to shut his ears deaf, he was angry at himself, Katara saw him so down after her rejection that she probably felt like she ought to show a deed of mercy. But he didn’t need mercy, what he needed was to forget her and focus in his Avatar duties, but his heart; an evil enemy to him now, didn’t wanted to forget the girl, but not just a girl; the girl of his life. He kept on listening to what Katara had to say, and with each word he felt even more awful, he still loved her, but having Katara sitting right in front of him was no good for him, Aang felt dizzy and confounded, he wanted to push Katara away; he was tired of being selfless and considerate, for this one time he wanted to save himself, and the mere thought disgusted him even more.

“I didn’t mean what I said, I hope we can be friends again someday, even if you don’t want to talk to me right now, I hope you forgive me.” Aang listened Katara saying.

‘No, you don’t need to apologize, you’re already forgiven, even if you don’; I still love you.’ Aang thought sadly, what his ears heard he couldn’t stand anymore, so he decided to intervene,

“Stop,” he whispered discovering his voiced had left him once again. “Katara, you don’t need to apologize.” He said as he saw Katara’s face lighting with happiness the terrace by far more than the little candle lights he had lit.

“Aang, I’m so happy you understa—…“, “I know you don’t feel the same way, you don’t need to apologize, I can’t force you to feel something you don’t want.” Aang said tonelessly, Katara stared at him with horror, all she had said were apologies but those were not enough to let Aang know she loved him as much as he loved her, sadness invaded her body, and then again, hopelessness took possession of her brain, Aang glanced at her knowing that he was the reason for his love’s desperation and grief, he couldn’t stand seeing her suffer, but she didn’t really grieved for herself, he knew she was grieving because she couldn’t make Aang feel any better.

“Katara, don’t worry, I’ll be fine. Just go, I must meditate” he said as he closed his eyes and tried to erase that beautiful picture out of his memory. Katara cried silently at the murder of her failed attempt to let know Aang her feelings, she cursed herself for being stupidly coward again and haven’t being able to pronounce those three powerful words she so frantically looked for within her voice. She stood up and went out of the terrace and back into the house silently crying, for Aang had to meditate.